I Lost My Mother...

Mother: A word that can’t be described even if you transform all the wood in the world into a pen and the oceans into ink.  You will still go out of words while listing down the characteristics and qualities of this unique angel on earth.

On 8th September, 2018, during 4:30 PM in late afternoon, I heard my wife screaming:

Mustafa rush up, Ammi is not responding!

That was the time when I was talking to a friend on phone and was asking him to pray for my mother as she was in great pain.

When I approached this beautiful angel, all I could see was a lady sleeping peacefully facing Qibla with her eyes closed.

Hearing my cry and the cry of everyone in that room, my father and elder brother rushed towards us and they were too taken by surprise.  What followed next is something you can all imagine...

I lost my mother

----***----

I was about 10 years old when our family migrated from Quetta to Karachi in search of a better living. My father was a hard working lower middle class man with cash of no more than just less than $1,000.

While my father and two elder brothers were busy searching for jobs and business, my mother was worried about my education and the education of my youngest sister. She secretly took some money from the locker without letting anyone know and got us admitted in a small town school called “The Educational Center”. This costed her about $150 but it was a huge amount compared to what my father had in hand.

This action badly turned-off my father’s mood but my mother kept fighting everyone when it came to our education. I still remember her saying:

No matter what, I won’t let Mustafa and Sadaf live the life of illterates. Do whatever you guys can do but I won’t compromise my kids’ education.

The educational standard was quite tough in Karachi compared to Queta. Having a Pathan accent and a poor pronunciation of English and Urdu, I was often mocked and ridiculed in school by my class mates, who would often call me “Akhroat” i.e. Wallnut.

Seeing the tears in my eyes, she would often motivate me by saying:

Son, do not focus on what people say. Stay consistent and focus only at your goal. This society is habitual in not recognizing a pearl on first sight, let your school results speak high of you one day.

It was because of this strong moral support that I did not only score first position in grade 6th but I even skipped grade 7th because of financial crisis and was promoted to grade 8th straight.

The guys who used to mock me in grade 6th were now defending me as fans against my new fellows of grade 8th.

Again I did nothing exceptional, I remained consistent and focused only on my goal. Surprisingly I scored first position again and took entire school by surprise. Since then I have never come across anyone, calling me “Akhroat”.

That akhroat who could not speak English nor Urdu properly 18 years ago is now invited as motivational public speaker by universities, schools and colleges across the country Alhamdulillah.

This all happened thanks to that angelic support at home, who kept reminding me who I was, what was I capable of and what should be my goal in life. This angel once lived by the name Bibi Habiba Zarif.

----***----

My mother was a diabetic patient since 22 years and after my marriage she fell a prey to Chronic Liver Disease (CLD) that is a painful disease far worse than blood cancer.

In cancer you may have a hope of getting cured temporarily but if your Liver is damaged and you are aged plus diabetic, there is no hope of a cure not even a liver transplant would help. Such patients can live a maximum of 2-3 painful years.

By painful I mean fluid accumulation (Ascites) in your stomach that can go up to 10 liters within a month. Anaemia, drowsiness, internal and external bleeding, short term memory lose and skin itching make it further worse. In short its a disease that eats your organs from inside.

Details of Chronic Liver Disease can be read here on Wikipedia.

I could not go office for almost a year because you never knew when her condition would go worse. My father and I would accompany her to the hospital every week. We tried all major hospitals of the city from Agha Khan Hospital to Liaquat National to medicare.

Among which Agha Khan Hospital, the so-called most expensive and advanced hospital of the city, proved the worse of all.

After diagnosing my mother at Agha Khan for over 18 years, I found it a fancy building with blood sucking vampires managing it. Around 90% of the doctors and staff there care less about finding a cure or fixing it on immediate basis and worry more about meaningless lab tests from head to toe.

My baby girl Ifza, who was born at Agha Khan hospital, is suffering to this date because of the mishandling by the nurses in delivery ward.

After Agha Khan hospital badly disappointed us and after having wasted thousands of dollars in finding a cure, we finally ended up with Medicare hospital. Where I met Prof. Dr. Ajeet Kumar, who is a specialist in Gastroenterology treating Hepatitis B & C. Stomach & Intestinal disorders. (Note my mother was nether Hep B or C, the reason why her liver malfunctioned is unknown to this date.)

Where Agha Khan hospital kept demotivating us that she would not survive a year or more, Dr. Ajeet kept bringing a smile on my mother’s face every time we visited him. It was because of his kind care and affection and mercy of God that my mother lived for over 3 years Alhamdulillah.

Doctors can be found on every corner of the street today but a doctor whose heart is filled with kindness and humanity and free from greed, is found one in thousands today.

Inspired from his cheerful character and wise supervision, after the death of my mother, I went to meet Dr. Ajeet and thanked him for reviving my faith in humanity.

Prof. Dr. Ajeet Kumar at medicare hospital

He was available 24/7 whenever we needed him and he never let us give up hope which is something my family badly needed at that time. We all knew our mother would not last longer but Dr. Ajeet’s strong words of motivation such as “Allah sab se bara hai, wo sb theek ker dega.” was a power dose in itself that kept my mother’s spirit high.

He deserved a gift as thanksgiving, a flower bouquet and of course a hug.

Gift to Prof. Dr. Ajeet Kumar, who is a specialist in Gastroenterology

Thank you for reviving my faith in humanity card

Prof. Dr. Ajeet Kumar at medicare hospital

----***----

We spent Ramadan nights in Hospital and then we spent another 20+ days which included Eid-ul-Azha in Medicare Hospital followed by Liaquat national. Throughout the nights my mother was in extreme pain in ICU. My eldest brother (Aimal) and father would accompany her during day time while I would accompany her during the night and morning from 10 PM to 10 AM.

All night and day, we would press her legs, hands and her back so that she could get some peace. Her condition was getting worse. Things got out of control when her kidneys started malfunctioning and body was experiencing consecutive blood lose.

Dr Tauqeer and Dr Pervaiz Ashraf at Liaquat National Hospital were really kind and they did their best to control her health but the severe condition of the liver had started effecting other organs of the body.

When it became quite evident that she would not survive, my family requested a discharge so that she could spend her last days with her grand daughters at home.

At home, every member of the family would go in turn asking her for forgiveness. She would smile at each one of us and would instead ask for forgiveness from us. Her brain was only 10% conscious but she could still recognize us all.

We all sit next to her and would recite Holy Quran all day and night. She kept reciting Kalima and would “dum” herself. This sight can not be explained in words...

The most emotional time was when I was lying next to her and pressing her body which was in extreme pain, she looked at me and said: “Son, your little fingers must be too tired..

I cried hearing it and kissed her face and said: “Mor, even in such condition, you are still concerned about us..?

The water level in her body increased so much that it reached her face and started her face to inflate. I left the back and hands and started pressing her face to reduce the pain.

It was this moment when I prayed to Allah that my mother loved a beautiful face and she always prefered people who were neat and tidy. I begged Allah during Zuhr prayer to please cause no harm to her face. Everyone started the recitation and we conducted khatam for her in almost 3 to 4 mosques.

All of a sudden, the pain in her body vanished and she fell asleep for consecutive 4 hours. We would often go to her, inquiring if she was alright and she would just reply:

I am fine, let me sleep please.

Around 4:30 PM, I was sitting next to her and left the room to attend a call, making sure the noise of the call may not hinder her sleep. As I was talking on phone in next room, my wife started screaming, pointing towards my mothers room. As soon as I approached mom, that angel had already left us all alone without making the slightest of noise..

We handed her to earth within next 4 hours after ghusal and namaz-e-jinaza. Her funeral prayer took place at maghrib which was the largest gathering I had seen so far Alhamdulillah.

----***----

After burying my mom, I got back home and fell asleep. Later in the morning during fajar, I saw my mom in a dream where she advised me not to cause trouble to the family and my martyred brother Muhammad Shareef (Yama) also visited me in the dream and advised me to stay strong.

I woke up with tears and started asking my wife, how come I saw such a dream and why was Mor (mom in pashto) asking me not to trouble the family. My wife who looked quite worried with tears in her eyes looked at me and said:

Mustafa, do you know what happened to you once you slept.

I said, “I don’t remember anything. All I know is that I slept, saw this dream and just woke up.

She told me that after when I slept, she came to wake me up for the dinner but my body was not responding and I was almost unconscious and screaming like a 3 years old kid and sometimes laughing. I was rushed downstairs by my eldest brother on his shoulders and was taken straight to emergency ward of the hospital by my brother in law (Munir) and family members. I was diagnosed to get rid of the stress attacks and I remained unconscious for almost 10 hours.

I was told that I acted weird even in my sleep and would often wake up in middle and move towards mom’s room looking for her.

My condition was so worse that my old dad, wife, brother, brother in law and all the kids at home were literally crying seeing me in such condition. They said I was in some comma and extreme stress attack state.

I came to my senses when my mother visited me in my dream advising me not to trouble the family members and my martyred late brother asking me to be strong.

The stress attacks followed the second day also after which I was sent for spiritual healing out of city where I stayed for almost a week without informing any of my friends about the exact location.

Holy Quran’s recitation and staying away from my home, really helped in getting out of that emotional state of mind.

I never imagined I was that weak emotionally but I guess it was the attachment I developed during those painful sleepless 20+ nights that I spent with my mom while she was in ICU and later in Gastro ward. The memory of her cries, pain throughout her body and burring her 4 feet down with my own bare hands, kept revolving in my brain when I slept which led to a situation I explained above.

----***----

I am not sure If I or my eldest brother deserve to be called a good son or not but we tried our level best to give all the comfort to our late mother. We were ready to sell off all our properties and donate our liver to her but the doctors denied us liver transplant as she was diabetic and too weak and aged. We tried all hospitals be that expensive or ultra expensive, be it a homeopathic remedy or allopathic, or be it a spiritual one but God had His own plans.

I am proud my mother lived the life of a hard working middle class woman. Who sacrificed all her life for our better future and education. If my father, brother or I don’t smoke cigarette or we are not addicted to anything bad, the credit goes to this pious lady who protected us from all the bad of the society and motivated us towards the good only.

She was just 18 years old when she lost both her parents and she looked after her own sisters and brothers while they were orphans. She was not just my mother but a mother to all her 4 sisters and 3 brothers.

----***----

Please remember her in your prayers and also my family. God bless your beloved family and God bless your loving mother. Treat her with kindness always, how important is this living angel, ask it from those who have lost her.

This was my blog diary for today where I shared the story of my late mother, so that tomorrow when I die, people inquiring about me and my family members, may not miss reading this chapter that speaks about one great lady who once lived by the name Bibi Habiba Zarif.

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39 comments

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  1. Brother, I dont have words to say. But i recall a hadith where beloved prophet said "Olad Ma baap k liye sadqa-e-jariya hain" and you are the sadqa-e-jariya for your parents MASHA ALLAH. May ALLAH bless you.

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    1. That is a beautiful hadith dear Mudasir. I still remember when you came visiting me with your wedding card. I am sorry for not attending it as I was with mom and facing all this.

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  2. Ma sha Allah great words by great son, literally have tears in my eyes while reading this chapter. I lost my father with liver disease when i just started my career after graduation, being the eldest in my family, it has been very tough for me to look after my mother and siblings. But in every difficult situation what i strongy feel, are the prayers of my mother, everything gets better smoothly when such angels keep praying for us. Loosing father or mother, both are painful incidents one can ever face in life but Allah pak always tests his true believers and those who are being tested this way, get the chance to be more closer to him. They are actually chosen people by Allah for some greater tasks for humanity. Alhamdullilah i always observe strong religious fath in you and believe that sooner you will get yourself out of this phase and will be taken to that specific tasks for which Allah pak has prepared you with this loss. In sha Allah we wil remember your angel in our prayers. Please do remember my father in your prayers as well. Jazak Allah

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    1. you are an inspiring human being brother. Having the responsibility of entire family over your head is not an easy job. It requires patience and a lot of confidence. I am so proud of you.

      I am thankful for all your love, respect and kind prayers. Verily that means a lot.

      May Allah grant your father with highest place in Jannah.

      Delete
  3. Assalam o Alaikum Mustafa bhai
    I can't stop my tears after reading this, may ALLAH bless your mother and all mothers a beautiful Angel of the world. Mustafa bro, your story is similar to mine, you might not know me but I know you since your those struggling days (mine too). We also moved to Karachi from quetta when I was 8, lived for 12 years there, completed my school from excellence secondary school. You motivated me to start blogging and I learned a lot of things from you earned my first ever online income everything was perfect, than we moved to Kunduz, Afghanistan as we were Afghan mahajir living in Pakistan. I left blogging in 2014 because it's really difficult here in Afghanistan to do online work. In these 4-5 years I almost forgot everything I learned my English also got weak, buy I still follow you and your work, I still visit your blog, and we are still friends on fb.
    You are a good person, a true motivator and a great son. May Allah bless you and your family.
    Regards
    Ehsan

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    1. Walaikum Salam dear Ahsan

      How can I forget you great friend. I still remember all your kind correspondences. I can relate to what you have been going through. You are a multi talented man and I am sure wherever you go you will always do great.

      God bless your family with happiness and peace always.


      Your kind prayers and condolences mean a lot buddy. Please meet me when you come to karachi. I would love to host you .

      Delete
  4. AOA Mustafa Bhai,

    Leaving this world with the way your mom left is indeed the dream of every Muslims. And who wouldn't want to get expired while reciting the Kalima & while facing the Qibla.

    I saw you had been posting all about this for over a month on Facebook and without a single doubt, you and all your family members did their level best & off course Dr. Ajeet, but you can't revive (Nauzubilla) someone who has passed or increase his / her age. She lived the life that God wrote in her fate and yeah, the way she died is the dream of Muslims!

    You saw her in your dream and your late brother. That is indeed priceless!

    Rest in peace, InshaAllah!

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    1. W.salam dear Shakir,

      Trust me you have summarized it wonderfully. Seeing my mom and brother in dream and seeing her reciting kalima and sleeping in peace during last 4 hours of her life was the best gift I received from Allah and can't thank him enough.

      Indeed the more she would have lived, the more pain she would have suffered. I feel thankful to God for bestowing her with eternal peace.

      Thank you for the kind prayers buddy. Love you always!.

      Delete
  5. May Allah grant her highest rank in Jannah, give you courage to keep the good working continue.

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    1. God bless you too dear Tahir and jazakAllah for the kind dua.

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  6. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.

    I'm sorry to hear that Mohammad.

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    1. thank you for the kind concern brother Ismail. Please remember her in your prayers.

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  7. Very touching and powerful words Mohammed. Praying for your complete emotional recovery, brother. You became a great example in life for me... be sure of that!

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    1. You are a bucket full of wisdom dear Eduardo. How can I inspire you. Its your kind gesture and good will. Good bless you always. Thank you for always being there.

      Delete
  8. Allah Mor ko jannat Ul firdous mein jagah ata frmaye aur un k darajaat buland farmaye...!
    I feel honored and satisfied that I met her before her demise and also attended the last ceremony of her proper burial.
    What brings tear to my eyes is just recalling those times 16-17 years ago she would complain me about you that be with him and take care of him (Mustafa), she would say down tuned to bbc food and write recipes at Sumaira square...!

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    1. Paji indeed those were the most beautiful days when she would cook food for us and help us with the home assignments. She loved you a lot and it was your great luck that you flew all the way from Germany to karachi on a date when she was admitted in hospital.

      Wish you all the best buddy.

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  9. May Allah grant her Jannah. Amin.

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  10. Rest her soul in peace. Mother Love is the only "Pure" in the world.

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  11. Sir I don't know how are you today after losing your world. I also feel same because my mother my world also leave me alone in this world. Sir you're married, you have 2 brothers and 1 sister, father. But I have only one sister and father. My family was so much happy and i was preparing for Indian Civil services by stopping blogging. I am also blogger having a number of blogs but my mother wants govt. job for me. I couldn't make her wish true. Sir futher i will tell you in email through contact form. Please read my email and reply me if you really want to help me in this situation.
    "Maa kabhi bhi marti nahi he wo hamesha amar he, aap unke name se charity karna or unka name ko society me amar kar dena. Sirf Sharir chala jata he name kabhi nhi jata ydi hum usse amar karna chahe to"
    You're able to do this, and i am trying to do this.

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    1. Your words are heart touching and I can surely relate to you. You are a hard working gentleman and God has a lot of pleasant surprises for sure. Thank you so much for all the kind words.

      I would love to read and reply to your email and would make sure to help you to the best of my ability.

      Just stay consistent and focused on your goal and trust me you will achieve all milestones. I will get back to you via email.

      Wish you all success and peace buddy.

      Delete
  12. Your Story brought tears into my eyes, brother. May a child like you forever be blessed in this world and the next, ameen.

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  13. May ALLAH Bless her great place in Jinahh. Ameen

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  14. Breast in peace my lovely sister. you were an admiration and inspiration for all of us and we learned a lot from you may Allah tala reward you a janna Ameen.

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    1. Ameen waheed mama. You were one gem of a brother to her.

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  15. May ALLAH Bless her great place in Jinnah. AAMEEN

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  16. Allah Ammi ki rooh ko Jannat naseeb kare, AAMEEN

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  17. you are an inspiring human being brother. Having the responsibility of entire family over your head is not an easy job. It requires patience and a lot of confidence. I am so proud of you.

    I am thankful for all your love, respect and kind prayers. Verily that means a lot.

    May Allah grant your father with highest place in Jannah.

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  18. Inna Lillahi Owa Inna Ilahe Rajeun.

    Very sad news!!! No alternative of Mother. :(

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  19. Allah Pak Jannat ul Firdus Me Jaggah Ata Farmaye.

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  20. I do not have the word to write anything here...!

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  21. إِنَّا اللهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ‎
    hopefully get the best place by his side Alloh سبحانه وتعالى

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  22. Sorry to hear that. May Allah grant her Jannah. Aamiin.

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  23. Oh!!! So sorry about your mother's demise.

    The impact she made in your life is truly inestimable, unquantifiable and can't be unde-emphazised.

    May Her Soul rest in peace and may God give you the fortitude to bear the loss.

    Stay strong brother

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